I touched his hand, and brushing away unexpected tears, I tucked into his coffin a letter I had written him years before, just before I ran away from home. Around it I had wrapped another letter written only the night before, my letter of letting go. ‘I’m forgiving you, Dad. I have to go on with my life now.’ There was nothing else to say. It was harder than I had ever imagined it would be to let go of that letter, to face the fear that without anger to hold me together, I wouldn’t know how to define myself. Anger at him, at them, had fueled me for so long, I was afraid I would disappear without it, as though its weight didn’t hold me back but kept me grounded in this world. I lingered for a moment, remembering all the night he had come in drunk, all the lies he had told my mother, all the times I had been hurt and afraid. But for the first time in years I also remembered how he had laughed when he was teaching me to ride a bike, and the clear summer night that we had spent on the. Ok, have a good time. Talk later.Paisley had logged off. It seemed a bit quick to Tom, but that was Paisley. A bundle of energy. It was one of the attributes that attracted him to her.________Paisley did not log on for several days. Tom was confused. Where did she go? Was she okay? He had no way of knowing. Still lonely, Tom did what he had always done and resumed his forays into the chat rooms. Tom had logged on to one of the chat rooms. Pics of various sexual acts appeared on the screen. He surveyed the list of females on the side of the screen. One, in particular, caught his eye. SexyRunner19. He offered a greeting. Hey, so you run?Yeah, it's kind of in the name...Tom liked her response. She could have blown him off, or just said hi. Instead, she had a bit of sarcasm. Yeah, I figured that but I wanted to make sure you weren't just pretending. I ran track and then coached it so I take it fairly seriously. LOL!Nice to meet a fellow runner. Sorry, but I have to.
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